A Long Way From Anything

On my post from the 27th, Heather asked me how often I say "Oorah". Well, I don't say it that often. The people I associate with around here don't know anything about the Marine Corps, so I don't say it around them. Usually I say it to myself as part of a motivational plan.

You see, the hardest thing for me is to be motivated. I do so much and I'm so constantly busy that it's hard for me at times to stay motivated. Trust me, when it's 10 o'clock at night, you've been up since 6am, and you've still got lots of homework to do, you really don't feel like getting that second work-out in. So I look myself in the mirror and I give myself a pep talk (I have to do this because no one else here can do this for me). I'm literally all alone out here, there are no other Candidates here at school - I have no one else encouraging me to continue. So I use it (as well as the little slogans I have posted around the house) to try to keep the fires burning. To try to stay strong. Or, as that song from the Rocky soundtrack said, "Stay Hungry".

Everything in life is about how much work you're willing to put in. I figure there isn't a single obstacle I can't overcome if I want it bad enough. Case in point: This semester I took 18 hours of classes - none of these are Mickies either - and it looks like I'll still make Dean's list. The only reason that this is happening is becuase I made a conscious choice to sacrifice my enjoyment, my friendships, my social life, my happiness, and sometimes I wonder if I gave away my sanity as well, all to make good grades and get in awesome physical condition. So far, except for German (again!), I've gotten everything I've wanted.

That's why I say "Oorah". It's a battle cry for my soul and my psyche. It's a verbal challenge to myself to step up to the plate and give life everything I've got. To do pullups until my hands blister and bleed. To run until I throw up. To push myself further than I thought possible. To try to make my dreams come true. That's why I say Oorah. It makes me want it.

As many a drill sergeant has said over the years, "We're here to defend democracy, not to practice it." In preface, let me just say how much I hate this section of the UCMJ.

Punitive Articles of the Unified Code of Military Justice
Article 88—Contempt toward officials

“Any commissioned officer who uses contemptuous words against the President, the Vice President, Congress, the Secretary of Defense, the Secretary of a military department, the Secretary of Transportation, or the Governor or legislature of any State, Territory, Commonwealth, or possession in which he is on duty or present shall be punished as a court-martial may direct.”

Maximum punishment. Dismissal, forfeiture of all pay and allowances, and confinement for 1 year.

For analysis, see Findlaw's commentary on it.

BS if you ask me.

Something neat I heard about today. The minimum PFT score to apply for Force Recon is 285. I'm currently sitting at a 265. Not too much further! Oorah!

Other news: So far I have 2 confirmed "A"s this semester. Expect more to come!

Yeah, I'm posting a lot tonight. I don't want to study for finals. bah. humbug.

In a news release by my University, they recently decided to increase the admission standards. So much in fact that "the minimum Math SAT score is being increased to 410 from 400. The minimum Verbal SAT score remains at 430." God I wish I hadn't screwed up early on in my academic career and gotten trapped here. I wish I had realized back in fall of '94 what I wanted to do with my life and not wasted all that time. I guess that's what being human is about though.

Back in 1998, I was in Highschool and was shown an in-class film by Michael Moore entitled Roger & Me. At the time I thought it was pretty good. I figure he's getting even with a corporation that screwed him over. That's pretty reasonable. Most of my family is working-class white-trash rednecks, so I'm familiar with the plight of the working man (as much as a college student can be I suppose). No problemo. Then I saw Bowling for Columbine and my impression very quickly went downhill. The fact that he deliberately edited (and basically altered) footage of Charlton Heston, then slapped it in his film, really bothered me. If you're going to be a crusader for truth, why are you lying to me? I don't really like the NRA, but then again, when you lie to my face how am I supposed to respect this "champion for the common man"?

Then today I saw a Cox & Forkum cartoon. So I went to his site and looked up the letter to see if it had been taken out of context or otherwise distorted (a la "Bowling for Columbine"). Nope. That's what he said. You can read it in his letter from April 14th. So that's the final nail in his coffin as far as I'm concerned. He's spouted off half-truths and lies to me long enough. The problem is, so have most members of the media and so have most of our elected officials. The realization that there is no one to trust is slowly sinking in...

Does this remind anyone else of Snow Crash?

A strange case of synchronicity has happened to me lately. Over the past few days (since my post about marriage), it seems that marriage has been coming up in every one of my classes. In Anthropology we discussed the marriage practices of Bands and Tribes. In another class, we discussed the Victorian pre-occupation with Love in an age of pre-arranged marriages. Other blogs I read have posts about them. CNN is constantly talking about Gay marriage. On and on I am bombarded with people shouting about marriage. So in an effort to add to the din, here's what I think.

A lot of people complain about the rising rate of divorce. Some blame it on immaturity, some on the baby-boomers, some on the destruction of the nuclear family, some on voodoo. I think I'd like to disagree with all of them. It's all because of unreal expectations & love. You see, in the course of human history, divorce is actually very common. Most Band societies practice divorce commonly (their marriages are not in practice life-long unions). However, upon our vertical movement into tribal societies and chiefdoms, suddenly divorce becomes a problem. Suddenly divorce is a negative thing (this is due to conceptions of property, women's rights, the agricultural revolution, and several other factors I won't get into). But then we moved into state socities. And the divorce rate dropped (it did however remain negative). It dropped because of the function of marriage.

Traditionally, marriage is not about love. It's about reproduction. You partner up with the person who is going to up your chances for survival and shooting out kiddies. For a woman, this means find the biggest, meanest sohnbitch you can find because he can protect you. For a man, this meant the woman with wide hips, a well padded figure with the necessary fat and physical structure to pump out 12 or 14 kids before crawling into an early grave. That's the way it worked years and years ago. After survival, we started using marriage as an insitution for social security. Tribe A can make peace with Tribe B if they marry their daughters into the other tribe. People are also less likely to go to war when they know they would have to kill their own daughters and grandkids. It also helped out the gene pool (always a good thing). Today though, we've taken marriage and placed it on a much less secure foundation: Love.

Republicans always complain about the destruction of the nuclear family. Sure, go ahead and complain, but the nuclear family is a dying stereotype from the Victorian era. It has its basis in a marriage of convienance. Back then, due to societal pressure, there was no such thing as divorce. It wasn't so bad though because you never expected love. You expected a business partnership with your spouse. The Victorians wrote books and books about love because that's what they saw as the ideal, not the reality. They romanticized and pined for "true love" and never got it. Fast forward 100 years and all of a sudden, marriage is no longer about physical needs or societal needs, but about the individual. It's about what I need. What I want. That's why marriages fail today. That's why we don't have nuclear families anymore. It's because we've come to expect more pleasure from life. We've come to expect true love. Just as we instill in every little girl out there the false hope that her knight in shining armor will come along on a white horse and sweep her away, we've deluded ourselves into thinking that marriage has always been about love.

Well it hasn't. The divorce rate climbs and no one thinks to look at the selfishness of our society. I'm not saying this is a bad thing (I'll reserve that for another rant), it is a causing factor though. When the only reason you got married was because of emotions, and those emotions fade, it becomes pretty damn hard to stay together.

That's why I'm in favor of Gay marriage. Hell, let them adopt kids. It won't be any worse than straight couples. Let's give them a shot to get it right. We obviously can't.

-----
Music: The Refreshments

A minor point: I'm changing the address that shows on this blog to (enki.mail at gmail.com). If you know my other address at hotmail, don't worry, I'm not getting rif of it. I just wanted to set a seperate account for the blog and google offered me 1 Gig in storage space. I'm a big fan of google.

As for my condition: I turn in papers tomorrow. They're pretty much done. I've even had them proof-read, so I guess I'm doing okay schedule-wise. I'll probably post one or two here sometime in the near future. In other news, the Tour de Georgia (watch out for music) starts here in Carrollton tomorrow. So I'm going to hike up to the start-line and check out Lance Armstrong. It's supposed to be pretty cool. I wish I had a digi so I could grab some quick shots, but them's the breaks. I hope everyone is doing well, I'll ramble a lot more interestingly later (as I previously promised).

I've been thinking (and not about anything important-my brain is fried)...I think I'd like to get a cat. You see, I don't have a lot of people I can confide in and I don't socialize a lot because I'm always studying (yes, the "party Brian" is gone). I think a cat would give me a sense of emotional balance. That's as close as I can get to describing the feeling...someone who cares for you when you come home. The only problem is, one year from now when I go active duty, I move into the BOQ (Bachelor Officer's Quarters) in Quantico and I'll have to get rid of it. So no matter how much I would like to have a pet, it's simply not feasable. Damn...

I promise, after Thursday (when I turn in two of my papers), I'll be a lot more interesting. Right now, all of the upper-level resources of my brain are trained on school work. As Bill the Cat used to say: "Ack-Pfffffft."

Well, I'm getting to the age where people are getting married and having kids. Hell, who am I kidding? I've been here a while. It just seems that now women are starting to bug me about it. That ain't gonna happen any time soon. On a side note, someone remind me to do this someday to a certain cheating ex-girlfriend of mine. Whoever said I was a nice guy? ;)

Done with one paper. On to the others...

Since I am currently beating my brains out with three papers (and preparing for finals), rather than torture my audience with more of my incessant ramblings, here are a few of my favorite quotes:

Andrew J. Galambos
"There has been one achievement in the entire history of the human species, just one historical development, count it - one - that has ever occurred which has had any significance in developing a greater rather than a lesser concept of freedom. That concept, that particular movement, was called the American Revolution."

George Bernard Shaw
"Liberty means responsibility. That is why most men dread it."

Hanlon’s Razor
"Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity."

GySgt. Daniel J. "Dan" Daly, USMC; Belleau Wood, 6 June 1918
"Come on, you sons of bitches! Do you want to live forever?"

Cpl. Jeff Sornig, USMC; in Navy Times, November 1994
"I love the Corps for those intangible possessions that cannot be issued: pride, honor, integrity, and being able to carry on the traditions for generations of warriors past."

Unknown
"The most dangerous thing in the world is a Second Lieutenant with a map and a compass."

Unknown
"Sweat dries, blood clots, and bones heal. Suck it up, be a Marine."

Thucydides, The Peloponnesian Wars
"That [state] which separates its scholars from its warriors will have its thinking done by cowards, and its fighting by fools."

Something Positive (Online Comic - Sept. 12th, 2002)
"I used to think every day I didn’t wake up and gargle a few rounds from a revolver was a victory, but little "Golden" moments like this make me wonder, 'A Victory for who?'"

Robert A. Heinlein
"The moral difference between a soldier and a civilian is that the soldier accepts personal responsibility for the safety of the body politic of which he is a member. The civilian does not."

John Stuart Mill (1868)
"War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling, which thinks that nothing is worth war, is much worse. The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself."

Harry S. Truman
"I always considered statesmen to be more expendable than soldiers."

(John) Calvin Coolidge (1872-1933), 30th US President
"Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination are omnipotent. The slogan press on has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race. No person was ever honored for what he received. Honor has been the reward for what he gave."

Pan Ku
"If you must choose between two paths, either of which will bring death and defeat, then choose the path wherein you die fighting for honor and justice."

Bran Rickey
"Luck is the residue of design."

One of the other reasons why I am ready to graduate: Academia hates the military. I strongly believe the reason why I did not receive the "Best Philosophy Student" award this year was because of my association with the Marine Corps. Instead of the person that has grown the Philosophical Society to amazing heights, started a chapter of Phi Sigma Tau, and is the advisor to the frickin Dean for all matters relating to Philosophy, they gave it to someone else. Too many old hippies are still hanging around in their nice little sheltered, tenured positions... Bitter? Just a wee bit.

The past couple of days have been extremely busy for me. Two tales: To begin, Yesterday I participated in a theatrical performance. I know what you're thinking: "Brian? In theater?" Well, it wasn't exactly theater. It's called "Meeting of the Minds" and the Philosophy Department puts it on every year. We get six students together and have them portray famous philosophers in a discussion. This year it was "Morality" and I played St. Thomas Aquinas. I think I did a pretty good job (in other words I divided everything up into points and was an ass about it). I even made the audience laugh a few times. It feels really strange to make 120 people crack up and then get applauded. I've never had that before...

Something entirely different happened to me on Tuesday though: I got called a murderer. In one of my classes we were watching a film and one of the main characters murders a cab driver for no reason. Afterwords one of my classmates mentions that because I'm in the military and my focus in life is to kill people, there is no difference between the character and myself. I got pretty pissed off about this.

To begin with, I don't go around killing random people. Aside from that, my not-so-smart compatriot seems to have misunderstood the purpose for a military. The mission of the military is not to kill people, but to reduce the will of an opponent. In any conflict, whether defensive or offensive, it is not how many people you kill rather what sort of shape the opponents will is in that matters. If you slaughter thousands of the enemy, but he is still willing to fight (ex: The Japanese in WWII), you have accomplished nothing. Conversely, if you can get by with killing as few people as possible while crushing your opponent's will to do battle (ex: Strategic bombing on Industrial Centers in the First Gulf War), you have won. Killing enemy personnel is merely a path to a larger objective. It's actually more efficient to destroy your opponent's capability/will to do battle than his actual forces. Her lack of thought really bothered me.

Beyond her idiocy a larger thought struck me. She honest to god hates the military and thinks that I joined up because I'm evil and I want to kill people. While I won't deny that on a certain level I do want to kill people (most men do), this is not the real reason I joined up. Compounding this is the simple fact that without the military and all of the "murderers" in it, she would not be living her life today. I know she's a pacifist and deeply immersed in eastern religions as well as the postmodern movement, but that means jack in the real world. I like the Old Irish saying: "You can refuse to love a man and you can refuse to lend him money, but if he wants a fight, then you have to oblige him."

She further needs to realize as Will and Ariel Durant said in Lessons of History: "War is one of the constants of history and has not diminished with civilization or democracy. In the last 3,421 years of recorded history, only 268 have seen no war." There have been many people throughout history that have advocated peace as a way of life. None of them have succeeded. Do I think it impossible? Yes. Just as I believe that if it actually worked Communism would be the best system. The problem is that it can never and will never. Sure, it'd be great if we all were happy distributing our wealth and making sure no one starved. Just as great as it would be if we could get rid of all the guns and be happy and at peace with eachother. I don't believe it will ever happen though. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe one day we all can be at peace. Until then though, I side with George Orwell when he said "People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf. " I would like the think of myself as one of those rough men; and while I may be ready to do violence, I don't think that makes me a bad person. In fact, I think it makes me an honorable person.

To provide some positive light to this rant, here's my slant: I prefer to think of the profession of arms as Lt. Gen. Edward M. Flanagan Jr. put it: "When one considers that the freedom, the security, the way of life of the United States depends on the quality of our military establishment, one begins to realize that the military service, especially leadership positions therein, is a high calling, a vocation not unlike the priesthood, a profession that transcends the ordinary and mundane"

Nothing much to say tonight (is there any reason to post such nonsense?)...I'm tired and I need sleep, but I've got more hausaufgaben due tomorrow. I know that previously I have said that being motivated is what counts more than anything. Well let me add to that: Being motivated is one of the hardest things to do.

Also, if you look to the right, you'll see I've added a link to Wikipedia on the sidebar. Let me say that this is one of the greatest resources I've ever seen. I'm thoroughly enraptured with it. The concept of a living dictionary is exciting in its possibilities (god I'm a dork) and having the ability to add to it is pretty cool too. I'm a big supporter of the open-source movement and I think this sort of thing is what the internet was invented for (before Al Gore came along).

All this being said, I think I may have a new slogan (hell, it may even be better than "If you ain't cheatin', you ain't tryin'"): "Hit ‘em first, hit ‘em hard, and kick ‘em when they're down." I like it. I'm still considering going back to one my older slogans though: "Fuck it, let's get drunk." (g)

Sometimes you eat the bear, and sometimes...

ugh. Rough Night. Four hours of sleep is simply not enough...

Update: Trying to run 3 miles after only four hours of sleep sucks hard-core.

In other news I'm working on two academic papers right now. The first is a descriptive paper covering the debate over definite descriptions between Bertrand Russell and P.F. Strawson. The second is a historical/critical piece covering the Romantic Hermenutics of Schleiermacher and Dilthey. I'm also still working on that paper about Just War Theory.

Incidentily, I wrote the Wikipedia entry for Definite Descriptions featured above. (g)

An extention of my previous post about identity: I figure, the reason why ethics is so important (and therefore why I study ethics) is because of a failed identity. You see, the only way people can know me is through the spurious external qualifiers that I enjoy/practice (i.e. Jeeps, Martial Arts, Photography, Marine Corps, etc...) and through the way I act.

Hell, the way I act is one of the only ways that I can know myself. This is because my actions reflect who I am deep down inside, not my external qualifiers. For instance, if I act courageously in the face of danger, then it is reasonable to assume that I am a courageous person. If I act in a caring manner, it is reasonable to assume that I am a caring person. My actions are the only way to cut through the BS and get a glimpse of who I am deep down inside without being obscured by all of the societal nonsense that we as human beings put up.

So it's possible that the study of ethics is the only way we can truly get to know ourselves and other people. For even when we define ourselves as ourselves (i.e. If I define myself as "Brian" and nothing more) we are still using descriptive nouns that do not do justice to our identities. There is no way out of this either. If I say I am "I", I am still using a pronoun to override my identity. There is no short and succinct method for describing yourself (contrary to what the Simpsons might say (g)).

This is why I like the idea of virtue ethics (i.e. an ethics based not on normative rules but on goals that we as human beings should strive towards). Rather than restricting what I do or trying to apply some faulty universal principle to every one of my actions, virtue ethics supply me with a general guideline with which to make decisions. I believe this to be extremely important in light of my previous statements.

Now the only question is "What virtues are good?" and furthermore, "What is good?"....I need to read more G.E. Moore.

Those who have spoken to me lately know that I am becoming more and more anal-retentive about Language and Syntax. More proper if you will. In an effort to spread this around, here's the 100 Most Often Mispronounced Words in the English Language.

Last spring, (when I first decided to join the Marine Corps) I hated running. I hated for quite some time thereafter as well. Strange as it may seem though, I now enjoy it. I was out today, hoofing it around the track and I realized that I was actually coming to delight in my morning runs.

It's hard to describe the feeling. It was about 50º out and clear. The wind was a little chilly on my unencumbered legs, but not too bad. Just enough to snap you awake. I hit the track before the sun had crested the horizon. As I ran I saw the sun come up and the day begin. It felt like being there for the birth of the world. When I left the house to work out no one else was awake. My entire neighborhood was dark and quiet. The grass was still damp underfoot. As I loped around the course, people started to emerge from their beds. Lights came on. Thousands of imaginary little coffee makers out there clicked on. Early risers pulled out of their driveways and went to work. When I finished my cooldown, the sun was risen and the world was alive. Sometimes it's good to get up at 5am.

I think a lot about will. Gumption if you so desire. I figure it's the only thing I've got going for me. You see, I want to be great. In order to do this certain things must happen. The problems I run into are with exactly who I am:

You see, I'm not the smartest guy out there. There are people who, even in my chosen field of philosophy can blow me out of the water without even trying. I'm also not the most naturally athletic. I see some guys who put in half the work I do and get twice the results. I'm also not the best looking or most charming. I generally have to work to get attention from females. In all of these areas I may be average or even above average, therefore I have to strive to compete at a high level.

But I want to be great. That's the summary of me right now. I want to do something great and in order to do that I have to sacrifice a lot of things. I have to spend hours and hours studying. I have to diet, and work out every day to maintain a good physique. I have to put in a hell of a lot of effort. But this is what I want and the only way I'm going to get it is by working my ass off.

"The essential thing is action. Action has three stages: the decision born of thought, the order or preparation for execution, and the execution itself. All three stages are governed by the will. The will is rooted in character, and for the man of action character is of more critical importance than intellect. Intellect without will is worthless, will without intellect is dangerous." - Hans von Seekt, Thoughts of a Soldier (emphasis mine)

I read a lot of books at the same time. And I mean a lot. I've seperated them into three categories. The first is academic. These are required reading for my courses and necessitate a steady, yet usually slow pace. The second is professional. These are books that relate to my fields of study or are read for papers and for personal development. The last is recreational. These, very simply, are for fun. Here's the breakdown:

Academic:
Drei Männer im Schnee - Erich Kästner
Beloved - Toni Morrison
Introduction to Philosophical Hermeneutics - Jean Grondin

Professional
Warfighting: The U.S. Marine Corps Book of Strategy - USMC Staff
Russell on Ethics - Bertrand Russell (ed. Charles Pigden)

Recreational
The Myth of Sisyphus - Albert Camus
Gust Front - John Ringo

As a quick side note: Let me just express how sick I am of being an undergraduate. I can't wait to graduate and get on with my life. The urban myth of college that I was brought up to believe in ended up being completely false. I am excited in a certain way though because upon completion of TBS (The Basic School) and my MOS school, I can get started taking classes (correspondence) for EWS (Expeditionary Warfare School) as well as getting started on my Masters (I'm currently thinking of getting it in Industrial/Organizational Psychology from Kansas State University). All of this before I begin working on my Ph.D. (g)

So I guess it's not academia I'm sick of, it's more that I am trapped in a school where no one seems to care and no one tries. I feel extremely out of place.

So S came to visit me last night and we got talking on a subject that is currently interesting me a great deal: The concept of self. Now, I've studied a little philosophy of mind (due however, to its being usurped by the continental tradition I am not very fond of it) but it seems not nearly enough. I showed him this quote from Camus' "The Myth of Sisyphus":

"For if I try to seize this self of which I feel sure, if I try to define and to summarize it, it is nothing but water slipping through my fingers. I can sketch one by one all the aspects it is able to assume, all those likewise that have been attributed to it, this upbringing, this origin, this ardor or these silences, this nobility or this vileness. But aspects cannot be added up. This very heart which is mine will forever remain indefinable to me." - p.19

I think about this a lot. It's almost as if the self is a tree. "I", that is the root of me, is the trunk. I can look out and see the parts of me (or how others would describe me): Jeeps, Photography, Marine Corps, Philosophy, Martial Arts, Ireland, etc... I cannot look upon myself though. It as if my true self is made of mercury and slides away every time I get a finger near it. I can observe all of these meaningless attributes that provide no surety and no solace to me but I cannot even begin to find out who I truly am deep down inside.

I reject the notion as well that I am nothing more that the sum or my parts. If that was true I could never change and never grow. I could never be better than I was at the age of 6. I would be doomed for all time. I am however, not. I can change and I can grow so there must be some sort of "me" outside of my parts...

I think of this because of the indoctrination processes of the Marine Corps. I worry that in a few years all I will be is a Marine. I worry that the Corps will erase my individual identity. I love the Corps, I just don't know exactly what sort of sacrifices I will be forced to make in order to fulfill my goals.

Maybe I should accept the impossibility of truly finding out who I am or who anyone is. Maybe the best (and possibly only way) is to follow in Heidegger's footsteps when he asked "What could we say of Aristotle's life?", he said: "He was a philosopher. He was born. He thought. He died. All the rest is pure anecdote." Maybe that is the only way. I find a great sadness with this thought because to sum up a human life in this manner does not do it justice I believe. I don't want someone at my funeral to say "He was a Marine. He was born. He killed. He died." or even an exact copy of Aristotle's. I don't feel that a summation of that sort does my life and my effort justice.

So here I remain. Trapped in a way. Unable to define who I truly am (except in relation to my parts) and at the same time unwilling to summarize my life in a few trite, meaningless words. Maybe the answers will seem clearer in the morning (it always seems that way doesn't it?). Now, however, I must get some hours of sleep as I have an Anthropology test in a few [hours].

Music: The Postal Service

As a quick note (before I pass out), why does it seem that some people do not consider respect to be a two-way street?

I only ask because I encounter this fairly often in some of my classes. My professors on occasion act as if they are granting me a boon by being there and gracing me with their presence. Am I not the one paying the tuition that keeps the university afloat? Are my parents not the ones that pay taxes that contribute approximately half of the university's budget? If so, why do some professors (not all by any means) feel jusitified in treating me like some sort of burden? I know I'm not that annoying in class (g)...

I'm not asking to be placed in a pay-for-grade situation either. I'm merely asking that when I take the time out of my day to be respectful to them (addressing them as Sir, Ma'am, Dr., etc... along with other avenues of respect), they return the favor. I don't believe this is too much to ask. Having a doctorate doesn't place you above normal human courtesy.

Something similar to what Dr. O. posted the other day:

Man in a hot-air balloon

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He lowered altitude and spotted a man below. He shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon approximately 30 feet above the ground at an elevation of 2346 feet above sea level. You're at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude."

He rolled his eyes and said "You must be an NCO."

"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you have not been much help to me."

The man smiled and replied, "You must be an Officer."

"I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You've risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, it's now my fault."

Story from this past weekend. As a bit of background, I hope you all realize that everything in the Marine Corps is done at a run. I mean everything. Saturday night we were eating chow (the only time all weekend we ate anything other than cold MREs) and after getting your food you ran down a small hill and sat on your ruck to eat. In doing this you had to pass the DIs whereupon you were supposed to say either "Good evening Sir!" or "Good evening Ma'am!" or some combination of the above. I did it, went smoothly. Some poor bastard from my platoon though was running by, said "Good evening Ma'am!" (to the only female DI we had - admittedly, she was gorgeous) but then he tilted his head. Ever so slightly...here's the dialogue (BTW, everything is a yell in it - there is no normal level of speech in the Corps):

Candidate: "Good evening Ma'am!" (tilting his head)
Female DI: "Get the fuck back here! Who the fuck do you think you are? Why did you tilt you head at me?"
Candidate: "uhhh...Ma'am, this candidate did..."
Female DI: "What are you? Fucking English? Tipping your fucking cover at me?"
Candidate: "Ma'am, this candidate did not...."
Female DI: "Are you hitting on me you piece of shit? You think I'm gonna waste my time on a little puke like you?"
Candidate: "Ma'am, this candidate didn't mean..."
Female DI: "I don't care what you mean you little pervert! Get the hell out of my face before I kick the shit out of you!"

For the rest of the weekend, we called that poor guy English...For us, that was some of the best entertainment we had all weekend. More stories to come...for instance, how I acquired my nickname "Cool Guy". And how one of the guys in my Squad Bay admitted he likes to have sex with sheep...good times...

Well, I'm home. I thought about coming home and posting a bunch of the humorous events of the weekend, but then again, since I've only had six hours of rack-time since Friday at 0500 (when I woke up to leave), it ain't gonna happen. I'm sitting here, still in utilities, my hands and arms covered in scratches and scrapes, my feet bleeding from blisters, black and blue bruises on my legs, and severly sleep-deprived. So I'm going to bed.
Yes, it was fun. Yes it was extremely interesting. Yes, I feel that my natural stance is now one of attention, but you all will have to wait for the gory details. I'll try to post some tomorrow night. For right now, suffice it to say I'm home safe and sound and only slighty worse for wear. Talk to you all tomorrow.

Music: Queen

Well folks, I'm gone for the weekend. I'll be back either very late Sunday night or early Monday morning. I hope you all have fun, I'm gonna go kill the hell out of some targets. Oorah.