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A Long Way From Anything

A guy trying to find a home that never was.

Dorkisms

You know you're really a dork when you roll on the floor laughing after reading some of Thoughts Arguments and Rants. Or, if you prefer, here are a few of my favorites:

Break up lines of Philosophers:

  • The Cartesian: I’m having doubts about us.
  • The Logical Positivist: Any goodness of our relationship is unverifiable. It’s meaningless.
  • The Kantian: I like you, but I just can’t see universalizing you.
  • The Fregean: I love you under an old mode of presentation.
  • The Zeno: I can’t get across to you.
  • The Hobbesian: Go away, you’re nasty, brutish, and short.
  • The Kripke: You and I are essentially different.
  • The Zeno: This isn’t going anywhere
  • The Zeno: No matter how close I try to get to you, you always seem so distant.
  • The Socratic: What do you mean by "I"? What do you mean by "Love"? What do you mean by "You"?
  • The Berkelyian: Our relationship existed only in your mind.
  • The Moorean: There, there... this doesn’t mean that you are not desirable.
  • The Platonic: Well, now that I’ve seen you in the sun
  • The Lao Tzu-ian: It’s just not the way
  • The Hsun Tzu-ian: I just dont like your evil side.
  • The Russellian: It is always true that it is false that there is an x such that x is our Relationship.
  • The Existentialist: I just feel so alone.
  • The Ayn Randian: I just want to be alone.
  • The Adam Smithian: I’d rather use my "invisible hand" than sleep with you.
  • The Post-modernist: I don’t even know who you really are
  • The Heisenbergian : Our relationship is moving so fast, I don’t know at what point it is any more.
  • The Schrodingerian: When I realized what were exactly my feelings for you, they collapsed.
  • The Carnapian: The claim that we would break has been confirmed.
  • The Quinean: I’m sorry, but you don’t mean anything to me anymore.
  • The Lockean: Compared to my last partner, I’m not getting nearly enough, nor as good.
  • The Moorean: The value of our relationship is less than the sum of its parts.
  • The Heideggerian: I’m just not comfortable with being-in-this-relationship.
  • The Meinongian: I think we should break up, but we can still be together.


Time to drive home and pass out now...

This entry was posted on Sunday, September 26, 2004 at 10:00 PM.

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