A Long Way From Anything

I got an interesting email today from my OSO. Remember when I said I was going to run a marathon? Yeah well, my OSO now demands that I complete one before I get my commission. Bastard! In his words: "Remember, all soon-to-be Lieutenants ... are required to complete a marathon ... before I pin those gold bars on". I wasn't even going to let him pin the bars on as I already have plans for that. Geez he's a frickin idiot. And he stole my idea. damn him.

So I've decided to do something I never thought I would. I've decided that at some point, I'm going to run a marathon. Yep. The whole 26.2 Miles. It takes about a year of training to get to that level, but I think I can do it. Not before OCS or anything, but maybe afterwards. I'll be in pretty damn good shape when I get out, so I'm thinking maybe a marathon right before I go to TBS. Just thought I'd let everyone know.

I made awesome time coming home tonight! Only took me 2 hours and 15 minutes! hmm...I did speed like a demon though. Time to go to sleep. I have to get up at 8. I really had fun at the game tonight. Even if I did die.


*Quiet* oorah *Quiet*

Gah. I need a break. One of my favorite movies (Good Will Hunting) came on the tube tonight and I sat down to watch. During it, a strong feeling swept through me. A desire for a break. I've been busting my ass since I moved to Carrollton and I've gone out (not that there's really any place to go out to...) twice in the three months I've lived here. twice. I've also been deiting and not drinking. And quitting smoking. And celibate. and working on stuff for the Marine Corps. and working out every day. and writing obscure philosophical papers that no one besides my professor will ever read. in short, I want a fucking weekend where I can get drunk and not worry about the goddamn ox that sleeps on my shoulders. I want a weekend where I can go out with my friends and laugh...You'd think I'd deserve it by now.

I keep trying to tell myself to hold out for only 5 more weeks. That's when the semester ends. 5 more weeks. Then I can pretend to do something fun. 5 more weeks and then I can try to be something near human again. But all this is is bitching. Time to do more work.

So, I uploaded another papre I recently completed (As in I turned it in today), entitled Organizational Development and Force Transformation in the United States Military. I wrote it for my OD Psych class. Enjoy!

Thought of something just as I was finishing up the last post.. What sort of responses am I going to get? Possibly one about being a pacifist from somebody. That's always a PC stance. Now, I could launch into a theory of why pacifism is ethically wrong, but I think I'd rather just say this:

"It's easy to prove that pacifism doesn't work. There aren't that many of them around." - Me

In other words, don't take it for granted that just because you think killing is wrong, everyone else agrees. The only way complete non-violence works is in a Utopia. We should strive to be more non-violent and to reduce the amount of suffering in the world, but being squeamish about it doesn't help.

So I was flipping through the channels last night and I caught a few minutes of JAG. Cheezy Courtroom drama. yay. But this episode was actually kind of interesting. The story revolved around a Marine Recon unit that was inserted right next to a brigade of the Republican Guard. In order to escape, they had to kill a goat herder who, being right next to their location, was sure to alert the Iraqis. The Sergeant order to kill the shepard (with a K-Bar), froze upon sight of the target and did not kill him. The shepard then went and alerted the Iraqis, thereby causing the Recon unit to abort their mission and extract.

The one problem, the shepard was a 10 year old boy.

Now, some would say that it is always wrong to kill a 10 year old (I hope everyone would actually). The problem lies when the child is an active agent for an enemy force. Ever since Vietnam we have been fighting people who do not wear a uniform, yet they are still part of an enemy force that is seeking to do us harm.

Through this justification, as strange as it may seem, it is ethically correct to kill the 10 year old boy. The only reason it is correct is because he was acting as a part of the Iraqi Republican Guard by alerting them to the presence of the Marines. He could have kept his non-combatant role (and be immune to assault) simply by ignoring the Marines and going about his way. In general, a Marine has no more right to kill a non-combatant civilian than he does to kill his fellow Marines. However, when those civilians choose the support an enemy force, there is no other option but to terminate them.

Now that's some cold shit. And it got me thinking. Could I do that? Not that I actually expect to hear a concrete answer from my psyche, but I could I could stare into the eyes of a small child and stab it to death with a knife. Thinking about it casuses it to become this very visual movie in my head. I don't believe that I have a problem killing adults. That sounds psycho I know, but it's not that I want to kill them, it that killing them must be done. But a child? No matter what ethics says, that's always a tough call and possibly an imppossible one.

Yet another update! So if you're looking for a webcomic that combines humor, excellent drawing skills, multiple story lines, a huge cast, and bukkake porn, go to Sexy Losers!


No. Really. Bukkake humor.

Addendum to the last:

I try to plan for the times when life goes awry. The problem with this German class is that it is impossible for me to have a GOTH plan. If I fail it, I have to start over and redo it all. There is no other way. Switching to another language is not feasible due to the time involved. So this is one of the circumstances where I just bust my ass and make the grade. In times like these, I take solace in the words of General A.M. Gray, former Commandant of the Marine Corps, when he said "in audacity and obstinacy will be found safety." So now I'll teach my son of a bitch teacher what I can do...

So today was good and bad. I took a German exam that I have been sweating over for some time and I believe that I did fairly well. I will refrain from getting my hopes up because I might just get a "C". I studied my ass off for it, but I'm still going with my "Hope for the best, Plan for the worst" mentality. That's the good. The bad was a realization that I still owe some people money and guess what: I ain't got it! So they're going to have to wait. Fuck 'em.

One other good point is the Philosophical Society. I'm basically going to do a presentation next Wednesday on "Just War Theory". Everyone in there knows it's my bailiwick and the subject came up so now I'm teaching. I'm excited but a little stressed. But it's all good. :)

Well, I'm feeling better than I was last night. But it is kind of a weird day. I got the October Newsletter from my OSO and in it I basically got my first order. Now, in my academic career, I have often had to do things. Mandatory events have become less common as I've grown older, but they still happen. It was pretty strange when I read the newsletter and read "November 16th- Marine Corps Birthday Celebration at my house. This event is mandatory for everyone". I don't know how to describe it. Weirdness...

I feel that I am haunted by the indiscretions of my past. Of people and love lost. All I can hope to do is to possibly make them proud of the progress I have made with the problems of mine that caused hurt and misunderstanding. I can never get over the mistakes I have made. Maybe one day all will be forgiven and I can feel whole again.

Well. Today sucked. I broke down and bought a pack of cigarettes. The stress level I had to deal with today was just too much. I got back my last German exam and I failed it big time. This is depressing for me because I have worked harder in that class than I have in any of my others. Now, unless I do really well on the last 2 tests, I fail the class.

To add even more misery to this, if I fail the class, There's no way I'm going to OCS this summer. I simply will not have the credits required.

Then, if it really needs any more, my prick of a teacher yelled at me in class for asking a question. I didn't understand the context of a verb (the sentence made no sense), and he bitched me out for wasting his time. I swear his evaluation at the end of the semester is going to be horrible.

So yeah. I'm now back to quitting. The funny thing is that I'm over the physical addiction. It was the psychological one that killed me. But I smoked two out of the pack and threw the rest away (there went $4). Now I'm not stressed anymore. I'm pissed.

Well, Crickie's Post about Fall got me thinking about this morning. It was great. Well, except for the gasping breath. I got up at 6, snagged a quick cup of coffee while I woke up in front of CNN, and then out the door I went to go run. It was around 45 degrees when I got to the track and started. I had a sweatshirt, wool cap, and gloves on and I still felt cold! But let me tell you, quitting smoking has helped so much. I only did 1.5 miles, but man was I hauling ass! Did it in 10:40. That's just about a 7 min mile! oorah!

Well, to be frank, I failed my PFT. It was the running again. All is not lost though. I now go into about a month of intense training because my packet is still being sent off. I can update my PFT score until the 15th of November. So now it's crunch time. I do one final push hoping that I can get my time down and pass the qualifications. I am partially motivated and partially bummed the hell out. But I'm tired, so it's time for bed. I'll probably tell everyone more about this later.

Oh, the run? yeah, I failed it by one minute. suck.


One last note. My Gunny (GySgt. Williams) is no longer my Gunny. He is no longer at my OSO's office. That's because he got shipped off to the sandbox. Hope he's having fun!

I'm reminded right now of a Marine Corps cadence. "Up in the morning in the drizzling rain". I'm up and outta here.

Just to let everyone know, Nicotine gum sucks ass. grrr...

Just thought I'd let everyone know, my last PFT before my application is submitted will be held Thursday. I'm leaving for Atlanta at 5am that morning to meet Gunny Sherron. Wish me luck. My estimated preformance is below.

Pullups:
Max Allowed: 20
Number Predicted: 20
Score: 100/100 possible points

Situps:
Max Allowed: 100
Number Predicted: 100 (give or take one or two)
Score: 100/100 possible points

3 Mile Run: (Officer Candidates must get below 24 minutes, enlisted can take up to 30 minutes)
Max Allowed: 24 minutes (18 minutes is 100 points)
Time Predicted: 24 minutes
Score: 64/100 possible points


Total Score: 264/300
Previous Score: 170/300 (As of Mid-July)

So basically it all comes down to the run. if I can make 24 minutes, I'm probably in. If not, I'm pretty much automatically disqualified and I get to try again in May. My only hope is that they look at how much progress I've made and reconsider based on that. I figure going up 100 points in 2 1/2 months is pretty damn good! Like I said, wish me luck. I'm gonna need it.

So I've found that I'm now anti-drug use. I never really railed against it previously in fact I kind of liked it once upon a time. But today someone let it slip that they were smoking pot last night and my emotional response was one of disgust. I didn't mention it to the person in question but it started me thinking: what caused this shift in attitudes?

My main reason for disgust is simply one of self-control and to a lesser extent a view that drug use is...trashy. The legal issue doesn't really bother me, in fact I think pot should be legalized. I just think that people who sit around and smoke pot are wasting their lives away. I'm up and out, getting stuff done while they are sitting at home stoned. Maybe this is some sort of superiority complex?

I honestly don't think that my displeasure towards drug use is because of the Corps. Even though I can't and won't do drugs, I think it should be every person's right to do what they want with their own body.

Maybe it's more of a disgust at the person I was talking to. I thought they were a fairly respectable, intelligent person and then I find out that they spend their weekends smoking. I think my view would be different if it was a once-in-a-while thing, like going out every so often with your buddies and getting trashed, but as a consistent practice? Hell no.